The Apprentice Series 8, Episode 4: Only Fools and Gift Horses

Ever wished your suitcase looked like something from a David Lynch film? No, us neither.

What have Del Boy and the Apprentice candidates got in common?

Well, nothing, as it happens: because whereas Del Boy could have made a fortune selling broken tat to idiots, his Apprentice counterparts couldn’t sell half price cracked ice and miles and miles of carpet tiles if their lives (or rather careers) depended on it. Read more of this post

Apprentice Series 8, Episode 1 Recap- “Blank Canvas”

"Hello, I'm talking into my phone like a lunatic chatting to the plate they're eating dinner from, because I'm an idiot"

Originally written for The Huffington Post

The Apprentice returned to our screens last night, and as usual the first thing out of the collective mouths of the candidates were odd metaphors: usually about animals.

Purple bloused Maria started the trend with her claim that she was ‘literally’ going to roar her way to the top. Because that’s how extended job interviews work: it’s a volume thing.

Also, the amusingly named Ricky Martin is a shark, apparently. He claims he’s ‘right at the top of the food chain’. But unfortunately for him, humans actually hold the top spot. Someone should probably warn him he’s a) endangered and b) likely to have his body parts turned into some kind of soup. Read more of this post

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