Our Food

"Bet you don't know where this came from!" "Er, the sea, Giles?" "Damn you".

By Matthew Laidlow

The BBC loves food and cookery programmes so much you’d be forgiven for thinking the licence fee was being underwritten by Tesco.

When one series finishes, another comes hurtling off the production line. And they’re usually pretty good, not to mention addictive. The majority of the population are no doubt filling their time illegally streaming ‘Masterchef: American Samoa’ while they wait for Gregg Wallace and his sidekick John Torode to yell at a bunch of contestants who haven’t peeled a carrot properly. Read more of this post

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Hairy Bikers’ Bakeation

'Pace yourself dad, we've got 8 weeks to go yet.'

David and Si, TV’s favourite Keith Floyd/Two Fat Ladies mash up, are back. And they’ve decided that what’s been missing from the world of TV food is biking and baking combined.

Baking, on vacation. Get it?

‘Trust me,’ promises one of the bikers,  ‘you’re gonna see a lot of yeast on this journey.’

Indeed.

But we’re not just talking bread here. Don’t be fooled. This is ‘cakes, pies, pastries. Almost anything that can be cooked in an oven.’ Almost anything: an important distinction. Probably not reheating last night’s takeaway pizza. Or the fraught defrosting of a bottle of wine you left in the freezer compartment to chill for a few minutes several hours ago. Read more of this post

Have You Been Watching… The Fabulous Baker Brothers?

So who are these chancers, and how dare they talk about food on Channel 4 without being Gordon, Hugh or Heston?

by Kate Diamond

Tom and Henry are brothers. Tom has baking in his blood (so much so that his haemoglobin is approximately 58% cake) while Henry is a chef with actual awards. He’s also younger, a foot taller and has better hair. Game, set and match.

To hype up the lacklustre sibling rivalry, the credits shout about a ‘blood curdling battle’, cut with close ups of kitchen knives, axes and fire pits.

You’d be forgiven for thinking it’s Dexter. It’s not Dexter. Except, maybe, the bit where he brings them all the doughnuts.

The Baker Brothers take it in turns to cook stuff. Henry does things like crushing whole garlic bulbs with one hand and lobbing pork joints into the open fire: ‘Grrr, yeah! Read more of this post

Have You Been Watching…How To Cook Like Heston?

"So, you just add the enriched uranium and let it simmer. But not boil! Never let it boil!"

Heston Blumenthal is the Willy Wonka of the culinary world. Or possibly some kind of chemical-addled 15th century alchemist. If anyone’s capable of turning lead to gold, it’s Heston…and by ‘lead’ we mean ‘biscuits’. And by ‘gold’ we mean ‘some kind of souffle with exploding jam in it’.

He’s the sort of person who hires a ‘development chef’, calls him Jocky and insists Jocky cooks with a pneumatic drill and a cement mixer.

But would you like to cook like him? Most people don’t have nearly enough test tubes and bunsen burners in their kitchen. And it’s hard to convince the kids that edible wallpaper is an acceptable substitute for fish fingers…although mashed potato volcanoes with erupting gravy would probably be a hit. Read more of this post

Masterchef- Series 8

“Cooking does not get tougher than this!”

Yes it does. You could have to cook a live shark using lava from an erupting volcano.

Or possibly a cake made from bears.

Yes, Masterchef is back. Remember when it was just Lloyd Grossman in a big shed with some cabbage and a housewife called Sue from Dagenham? No, us neither. Now, cooking is the new rock and roll and Masterchef contains more dramatic camera angles and contrived peril than an episode of 24.

As usual, it’s not just about 5 minutes of fame these days. Selina wants to change her career: her future’s riding on her Malaysian dish and those ‘big flavours’ (elephant?). Eamonn failed to get through last year’s auditions (does that mean the standard’s dropping? He’ll probably end up making a toast sandwich) so he’s desperate to prove his worth. Read more of this post

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