Skins Season 6 Preview

Ok, fine. Maybe Alex isn't really a 47 year old postman.

Skins returns to our screens tonight. Amazingly, the show is now in it’s sixth season and third generation of impossibly good-looking young scamps.

If like me, you persist in risking being placed on the sex offenders register by continuing to watch the madcap adventures of these teenagers in trouble, we can exclusively reveal what season six will feature.

Ok, fine, it’s largely made up:  but after six series the plots aren’t exactly hard to predict.

Episode 1 –  Everyone

It’s a long-standing Skins tradition that every character over the age of twenty is a complete idiot. That looks set to continue this season as the main characters’ parents are apparently very happy for their teenage offspring to traipse off to Morocco for a hugely debauched holiday. You’d think the Arab Spring had never happened, which to be fair, in the alternate Skins-iverse it may not have. What we can be sure of is that this episode will feature drug taking, some sort of beach based rave and a terrible sea-related accident resulting in much hysterical pouting.

Episode 2 – Rich

Last year Rich was a grumpy metal-head who was redeemed by his relationship with good-natured ballet dancer Grace. However their bond was nearly thwarted by her devilishly David Cameron-esque headmaster father, played with much glee by Chris Addison, and named entirely unambiguously Professor Blood.

We can be sure that Professor Blood will be back to his old tricks in this episode, scheming to crush Rich’s hope and dreams of happiness with his daughter. Just like David Cameron wants to crush the nations dreams, RIGHT KIDS? POLITICS!

Episode 3 – Alex

Alex is a new Skin, appearing for the first time this season. In a shocking break with tradition I can exclusively reveal he is a 47 year old postman who is addicted to Andrew’s Liver Salts. Isn’t it a bit weird that he’s hanging out with these teenagers, you may ask? Well, who are you to ask? You just don’t get it because you are SO old.

Episode 4 – Franky

Last year Franky was the androgynous new girl who went from being a bullied outsider to best friends with her former bullies.  This year her metamorphosis will continue as she turns into a vicious bully herself. Just like Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls.

Episode 5 – Mini

Mini will also undergo radical changes this season. Whereas last year she was the Queen Bee Bitch, desperate to maintain her popular status, this year she’ll become the mechanic for a wacky talking car, Just like Lindsay Lohan in Herbie: Fully Loaded.

Episode 6 – Nick

Nick’s Character arc last season saw him abandon his role as all conquering captain of the Rugby team in exchange for a hard partying lifestyle, which led to him sleeping with older women he met on the street. A venture into fully-fledged prostitution to support his burgeoning drug habit looks inevitable.

Episode 7 – Alo

Alo is the bouncy ginger west country bumpkin with a heart of gold and a penchant for huge stupidity. He’s found a way to channel his energies more productively this time around by forming a band with best friend Rich. However that friendship is tested when his magnetic stage presence means he is offered the chance to replace Danny Jones in a reformed McFly after half that band is killed in a plane crash. Can his love for his pal overcome the pull of Rock Stardom?

Episode 8 – Liv

A hard living good time girl with a hidden sadness last season, in this very special episode she will leave those blues behind to evolve in a new lifeform: a Party Angel. Consuming only MDMA powder and being able to instantly transport from nightclub to nightclub on her ‘party wings’, she will leave the gang behind to start a new life in Europe’s party capital: Rotherham.

Episode 9 – Mini and Franky

In this penultimate episode the long simmering tension between outsider Franky and popular Mini rise to the surface. To the shock of everyone it is revealed that they are in fact the same person, being two sides of a spilt personality. Just like Lindsay Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me.

Episode 10 – Everyone

As is inevitable in Skins, this generation will bow out with a tragic death. But who will it be? Could it be Alex the new arrival who no one cares about? Yes. Yes it could.

————————————————————-

Skins is on Monday nights, E4, 10pm, starting tonight.

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About Ian Dunn
I love avocados, WH Auden and dinosaurs but I don't like effort.

One Response to Skins Season 6 Preview

  1. Pingback: Skins: Series 6, Episode 1 « Tellysquawks

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