Top Five Romantic Lesbian TV Moments

Say it with leaves

It’s Valentine’s Day, and love is in the air. Or, if not love then definitely mild depression, which shares many of the same symptoms (inability to concentrate, overwhelming urge to stay in bed, inexplicable desire to listen to 80s power ballads, etc.)

So, to commemorate this manufactured nonsense festival lovely day of flowers, hearts and simpering goodwill – Tellysquawks presents our top five most romantic girl-on-girl TV moments.

Please note, this post is proudly sponsored by the Daily Mail- comparing gays to Zoophiles since 2011

5. Frankie and Cat- Lip Service

There’s really nothing more romantic than watching two visibly uncomfortable and poorly matched actresses dry humping each other in a moodily lit studio flat. In fact, I was so turned on I somehow managed to gouge out both of my eyeballs with a rusty spoon. Phwoar!

The sight of Cat’s pale, ghostly buttocks clenching literally sent me over the edge: I jumped out of my flat window.

4. Xena and Gabrielle Share a Bath

I have to confess, I spent the majority of my teen years swooning over Xena. Solid, leather-clad, tall and unyielding- she resembled nothing so much as a sexy, BDSM addicted tree. Sadly, her sidekick Gabrielle was small, blonde and rather dull: I’d have much rather seen Xena paired with lovely Sue Perkins. And instead of Argo, they could have ridden around on a goat. *Fans self*

3. Oil Wrestlers- The L Word

I don’t know about you, but I was rooting for these two lovely ladies to get together from the moment I first saw them standing at opposite ends of a wrestling ring covered in oil. The tension was unbearable and the scriptwriters really kept us waiting to find out what happened next. The minute those two sylph-like, nimble beauties finally started rolling around on the ground I began to cry: it was so powerful, so utterly perfect and…right. The only thing that could possibly have made it more romantic would be the addition of Sue Perkins. And a goat.

2. Nan and Kitty- Tipping the Velvet

There is nothing…nothing, more romantic than repeatedly hearing the words ‘Oh, KITTEH’ mumbled in a broad Whitstable accent. Particularly during a sex scene.

“Oh Nan, you look so beautiful”

“OH KITTEH, you look well fit too. I’m an oyster gel. From Whitstable.”

“Um…yes, yes I know…”

“That’s why I smell of fish n’that. Well, one of the reasons.”

“Er…”

“May I really…touch you?”

“Um, to be honest, I’d prefer it if you didn’t.”

Actually, I’d be lying if I said that the sight of Keeley Hawes in a corset didn’t get my pulse racing. It’s just a shame she was paired with Rachael ‘Haunteddollface’ Stirling. If I’d have been the director I’d have cast Sue Perkins in the lead role instead. Along with a goat.

And finally…. 1. Sue Perkins And A Goat

Which leads us to the most romantic TV moment of all time: the sight of lovely, flaxen haired Sue Perkins sharing an intimate moment with a still-to-be-identified female goat. The way she handled those delicate udders had me all a-flutter, and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one (eh, ladies?)

It’s lucky for Ms Perkins that she doesn’t live in Sudan, as if she did she’d potentially be forced to marry the goat in question. I know, right! Humans marrying goats- what a ridiculous idea.

They’ll be letting gays do it next.

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About Hilary Wardle
Hilary is a freelance journalist and copywriter who writes for a wide range of websites, magazines and newspapers, including Buzzfeed, MSN, The Poke, Chortle, the Guardian and the Independent. She specialises in arts and entertainment, comedy, video games and viral content. Contact her at Hilary3@gmail.com.

5 Responses to Top Five Romantic Lesbian TV Moments

  1. Gays are pervs! I hate them. And goats. And immigrants. Blargh! Wibble!

  2. becomingmums says:

    How could anyone not love teh gays in the face of such beautiful romantic love? I hope things work out for Sue and the goat. What a match!

  3. Kate_H says:

    Wot? No, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit!

    • ladyribenaberet says:

      Oh yes indeed, that should be in there. ‘Twas merely a joke top five romantic telly moments. They were, to be honest, the least sexy sex scenes I could recall. I may well make a more sensible romantic lesbo telly moments list soon! x

  4. freeboprich says:

    And no smouldering encounter between Helen Baxendale and Laura Fraser either! Admittedly, there’s a distinctive lack of goat or Sue Perkins in that one too so I guess we know where your bias lies…

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