Beyonce Looks Like A ‘Biker’

(Another Hecklerspray thingy)

You may not know/care about this, but Beyonce runs a fashion label called Dereon with her mother, Tina, and they’re currently launching a new range of hideous, skin-tight, studded outfits with bits glued on.

And how better to advertise something a biker would never wear than with a ‘biker’ themed photoshoot?

Now, I know what you’re thinking: she’s taken some style tips from the Hell’s Angels, grown a beard, developed some shadowy connections, started drinking real ale and had ‘love’ and ‘hat’ tattooed on her knuckles by a drunk ex-convict at the annual Bulldog Bash Biker Festival in Stratford. But you’d be only partially right.

She’s tattooed, yes, but a) they’re not permanent and b) instead of a traditional biker motif like a flaming skull with snakes coming out of its eyes- each one chewing on a dead baby- she’s covered in wussy spider webs and wings and spirals and shit (not actual shit. That would be a perfect biker tattoo- I was just being ‘street’, innit).

Not a biker

Apparently, the range includes ‘high waisted hot pants’. I hope, nay, DEMAND that the BBC have the Hairy Bikers dressed in these next series. If not, I won’t pay my license fee.

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About Hilary Wardle
Hilary is a freelance journalist and copywriter who writes for a wide range of websites, magazines and newspapers, including Buzzfeed, MSN, The Poke, Chortle, the Guardian and the Independent. She specialises in arts and entertainment, comedy, video games and viral content. Contact her at Hilary3@gmail.com.

One Response to Beyonce Looks Like A ‘Biker’

  1. badtwincam says:

    Doesn’t fit….

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