TVHate: The Big Brother Trailer

A short piece I wrote for the magnificent who have a daily TV round up email. You can also follow them at

by Hilary Wardle

A graveyard. We see the ex Big Brother ‘housemates’ standing around, heads lowered, woefully adjusting their skin-tight black miniskirts.

Suddenly, the funereal mood is punctured by the sound of trumpets. The housemates whip out feather head dresses and start cavorting like the plonkers they’ve repeatedly demonstrated themselves to be.

“Big Brother ov aaahrs,” yodels Ubiquitous Geordie Voiceover Man, “lettuce remembah the guud tymes!” (Where will he go after Big Brother? What will he DO? It’s a genuine concern. We should start some kind of rehabilitation fund).

So far, so obnoxious. But the thing that’s really hateful? The fact I became slightly dewy eyed and nostalgic.

Big Brother is brash, abrasive and positively encourages people to prance around pushing wine bottles up their hoo-hahs in a desperate attempt to court fame. However, I’ve been sucked into watching since it began, and seeing some of the ex-housemates actually made me smile.

Yes, smile.

Fortunately, I was brought back down to earth when the advert cut to Federico, the slimeball extraordinaire from Big Brother 4. I did a little sick in my mouth, remembering his misogynistic witterings about how women were all ‘slags’. The moment I saw his evil, gurning face my nostalgia evaporated, (as did the little pink unicorns – I’d been on the ketamine again).

I remembered that Big Brother is awful. Thank God.

Once it finishes, C4 may decide they want to fill the slot with something more highbrow. If so, I’d suggest 24 hour footage of a naked, baked-bean covered James Corden belching the Bulgarian National Anthem whilst rotating slowly on a plinth.



About Hilary Wardle
Hilary is a freelance journalist and copywriter who writes for a wide range of websites, magazines and newspapers, including Buzzfeed, MSN, The Poke, Chortle, the Guardian and the Independent. She specialises in arts and entertainment, comedy, video games and viral content. Contact her at

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: